Of Gifts And Wages

It screams, it screams
in the solittude of retrospection.
It screams with a voice
that frightens my sanity.

Darken my eyes
to the love that was set before me,
and now bring to light
this nightmare of memories.

My failure and failure to change
gives birth to hollow regret.
No one to give, no where to place the blame:
I never tried to anyways.
Always mine these faults have been.
From the evil I harbor comes my sin.
This pleasure has become my burden.
This is my demon that dwells within.

I strive, I strive
to rid my mind of these obsessions.
I strive, but in vain:
they’ve been with me for so long

I am broken,
but the damage you cannot see.
There is no rescue
unless I first reveal my depravity.

My failure and failure to change
gives birth to hollow regret.
No one to give, no where to place the blame:
I never tried to anyways.
Always mine these faults have been.
From the evil I harbor comes my sin.
This pleasure has become my burden.
This is my demon that dwells within.

My conceit has left me helpless
– embattled against my weakness.
Alone I falter in this fray.
But as long as I can draw breath,
I can put this demon to death.
So on my knees, Father, I pray.

(Written October, 2014)

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