Of Gifts And Wages

It screams, it screams
in the solittude of retrospection.
It screams with a voice
that frightens my sanity.

Darken my eyes
to the love that was set before me,
and now bring to light
this nightmare of memories.

My failure and failure to change
gives birth to hollow regret.
No one to give, no where to place the blame:
I never tried to anyways.
Always mine these faults have been.
From the evil I harbor comes my sin.
This pleasure has become my burden.
This is my demon that dwells within.

I strive, I strive
to rid my mind of these obsessions.
I strive, but in vain:
they’ve been with me for so long

I am broken,
but the damage you cannot see.
There is no rescue
unless I first reveal my depravity.

My failure and failure to change
gives birth to hollow regret.
No one to give, no where to place the blame:
I never tried to anyways.
Always mine these faults have been.
From the evil I harbor comes my sin.
This pleasure has become my burden.
This is my demon that dwells within.

My conceit has left me helpless
– embattled against my weakness.
Alone I falter in this fray.
But as long as I can draw breath,
I can put this demon to death.
So on my knees, Father, I pray.

(Written October, 2014)

Threnody

Let tomorrow bring for me
a blood red sun’s cloudless break.
For her light I will not see,
– to her light I will not wake.

I care not if chance or fate
– in sorrow have I wandered
and cursed Death for being so late.
This is the night I wanted.

Love and hope were all I knew:
every breath I would revere.
But love passed like morning dew
and hope fell to my worst fear.

Because our love was youthful,
there was nothing Time could do.
But Fate was very watchful,
and no bounds his great arm knew.

Thus for me the night had come
and all the world slept and dreamed.
But my visions then were from
opened eyes it would have seemed.

Through the darkness I held fast
to sanity till the dawn.
Only when I breathe my last
will these bleak visions be gone.

Now in this concluding hour
I exalt your memory.
In this I find the power
to accept eternity.

Let tomorrow bring for me
a blood red sun’s cloudless break.
Death, tonight, will set me free,
then by my love will I wake.

When of my breath I am shorn
and you bear me to the ground,
sing no threnody forlorn!
Utter not a mournful sound.

Bear me not there with weeping
for I would you weep no tear.
Lay me beside my darling,
for my heart has rested here.

(Written in 2013)