Author: TheNevarez

Fresno, CA // Poet & Photographer

The Captive

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Shadows embraced this mournful hall
as the vast night beckoned to me.
In vain I sought her dreamy call
– yes, I would struggle endlessly.

No more is darkness a solace
that will shelter my restless mind.
I close my eyes but I am sleepless,
there is no comfort here to find.

I am plagued with lucid visions
of the shame I tried to bury.
These memories are like phantoms
– each bears the name “Depravity.”

Can I forget what I have done
and find the strength to start anew?
Will I ever find redemption,
hope that is lasting and true?

Is there still hope to rise and fight,
and to risk falling once again?
For should I wish to see that Light,
I run risk of being human.

What can one do in such defeat
when this despair is hollowing
– knowing that there is no retreat
and remorse ever following?

Oh breathe the fear of damnation:
with terror will one suffocate.
As he succumbs to the poison,
he falls in the balance of Fate.

So I resign to the shadow
with my soul in captivity.
And I brace for the time to follow,
knowing I will never be free.

(Written in September, 2014)

Roulette

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It was one moment too late,
but that was all it would take.
When I saw my chance and took that gamble
I just ignored the odds of survival
– I already knew the stakes.

It was one moment too late,
but that was all it would take.
When you pressed your body tight against me,
I said, “Tonight forsake your sanity.
Let’s live before morning breaks.”

It was one moment too late
– our lips found each other.
Words that should have stayed unspoken
betrayed you to this twisted passion
– you loaded the revolver.

I thought I knew how this would end
when I pulled the fucking trigger.
Every lie that brought you closer
was a bullet in the chamber
– I kept spinning the cylinder.

I thought I knew how this would end
because this wasn’t my first game.
But the lust that burned in your eyes
– that willingness to cut all ties
– warned me that your score stood the same.

I should have known how this would end
because I knew what you had done.
You dug six feet and bid farewell
– one last muzzle flash broke the spell
– he’s buried with the smoking gun.

I should have known how this would end
when I pulled the fucking trigger.
But I lost count of all my lies
– we were both too drunk to realize
it was not an empty chamber.

(Written in September, 2017 // J.T., CA)